by Janna Chua
In 2001, after the Twin Tower collapsed, my brother got saved. Not long after, one night, I was lying in bed pondering upon this issue.
Since the rest of my family were Christians, when Jesus comes again, I would be the only one left. ( At that time, sometimes when the house was too quiet, I would sneak around to check if my parents were still around). I did not want to be left alone when Jesus comes back. I knew no matter how good I try to be, I would never be able to reach God’s perfect standard. In God’s eyes, I am a sinner; and sinners are eternally thrown to hell. I did not want to go to hell, in fact, I was afraid of it.
So that night, 28 October 2001, I turned over in bed and prayed to God. I asked Him to save me from my sins; told Him I wanted Jesus, who died on the cross to save sinners, to be my Saviour. After that, I happily went and told my parents. After I accepted Jesus as my Saviour, sometimes when I still check to see if my parents were still around, God would reassure me that I belong to Him and He would not leave me alone. The words of Hebrews 13:5 echoed in my ears, “…I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” “…And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world,” Matthew 28:20.
As the years go by, the Lord has shown and taught me many things through His word, Bible studies, and events in my life, etc. These are a few…
There was a point of time when I was watching a lot of shows. But time and again, God showed to me Psalm 107:9. “For he satisfieth the longing soul and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.” He revealed to me that God alone can satiate my soul, things of the world may fill one for a little while, but after a while, when the “thrill” wears of, it leaves you emptier. But God fills the soul totally and permanently compared to the things of the world. Of this I wrote at that time:
All I need is Jesus. I need no other so dear. Only He, no other, can satiate my soul. Thrills of the world, things of the world, only expand that emptiness of my soul. They might fill it for a little while. But when the satisfaction wears off, and you tire, it’ll be worse off than before. Only in Jesus’ bosom can I feel the true satisfaction of life. This is an important thing, it is not good to forget and then leave to fill again with rot. Remember: Only Jesus, no other, can actually satiate or satisfy your soul.
Another time during the holidays, I felt as though I were caught up in my own things, only remembering God when I was “supposed to”—QT, church, short prayers at meals and before sleeping—going through the motions. However, other than that, I felt far away from God. So I decided that for a fixed time period, I will not read any other storybook (except one I was finishing) and not to think thoughts which had preoccupied me at that time. Although I struggled at first, I found it rewarding. Throughout the day, I talked with God, praised Him, and was constantly aware of Him. Even though I could not do the things I liked, I was still happy and satisfied. In actual fact, I was never so happy than I was at that time. I learned that God alone is sufficient to make me truly happy.
During PSLE, I experienced God’s peace. God gave me peace that “surpasseth all understanding.”When I was sitting there waiting for the test to be given out, I felt calmness of spirit. I neither felt nervous nor felt that I needed to be nervous; instead, I felt that God was with me and that I was not going through the “battlefield” alone. I was reminded of verses. Two of which are 2Timothy 1:17 and Psalm 20:7. They read, “For God hath not given to us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind,” and, “Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the LORD our God.” These verses comforted me and gave me strength.
I also learned that God is my best friend. Upon “graduating” from my tuition class from primary 6 to secondary 1, I had a lot to adjust to. All the students in my class were super noisy, ill-mannered and playful. Usually, I would be able to make some good friends in tuition class, but I felt I couldn’t with this group of people. The students were really different from the primary 6 people I knew. Everywhere, I felt people I knew changing. I felt so alone. Then one day, during Bible study, I was singing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” and the third verse really stood out to me. “Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; In His arms, He’ll take and shield thee, Thou wilt find a solace there.” I was reminded that no matter what happens around me God is in charge, knows what is going on, and will always be there for me.
I am so glad that I belong to Jesus and I will never regret believing in Him.